Relocating to a new country can bring new opportunities and adventures, but it can also raise some difficulties.
Whether you’re moving for work, family responsibilities or a better life, uprooting your family and starting again is a big change. For a child, this can seem scary, stressful and hard to understand.
If you’re planning to move to another country, we’re here to help guide you on how to support your children’s wellbeing during a potentially hard time.
Discover practical tips from one of our clinicians as well as insights from a parent who made a move abroad, including some of the biggest lessons they learned during the experience.
How moving abroad can affect your children
Relocation can mean leaving behind friends, family, cultural norms and familiar routines, such as school or activities.
If you’re moving to a country where the majority of people speak a different language, then consider potential communication barriers that could make your child feel isolated and frustrated, or have difficulties forming new relationships.
Harriet Finlayson, Clinical Case Manager - Mental Health Nurse, Clinical Services at Bupa, explains that children may feel vulnerable due to this disruption of their routine and sense of stability.
Harriet also highlights that, “Children may experience feelings of worry and sadness, as the move may have not been something they wanted to happen, and they may not understand why it needs to happen.”
The expat we spoke to also highlighted how parents and children will each be affected differently by a move abroad.
She said, “When you move, life turns into a to-do list: pack this, get passports, book that. But there’s no checklist for your children, no step-by-step to make the transition seamless. You have to slow down, connect and simply talk to them about what is happening.”
Signs to watch out for
Your child may resist or be worried about the idea of moving abroad. They may also seem to react well at first, but once the excitement has worn off, they start to struggle.
Adjusting to a big life change varies from child to child, and some children who have additional needs may find changes to their routine especially tricky.
Young children may find relocation easier as their parents and siblings provide the most stability in their lives. However, older children and teenagers may find it more difficult as their friends and classmates often provide that sense of stability.
For younger children that may not be able to easily express their feelings, behavioural changes might be a sign they are struggling. Older children may show or say that they’re feeling sad, exhausted or homesick.
Preparing your child for a move abroad
- Involve your child in discussions about the move as early as possible. Explain why the move is happening and what it means for your family.
- Include your child in some of the big decisions about your new home or their new school. Take their opinions into consideration as much as possible. Harriet explains that “this can allow children to feel involved in decision making, helping to develop a sense of control and safety.”
- Make plans for things you’ll do when you arrive in your new home. Everything from homemaking ideas to lists of new places to visit can help build excitement.
- Create space to talk to your child about all parts of the move and let them air their concerns. As our experienced expat suggests: “Look for the things that they’re worried about – like what if no one sits with them at lunch – and explore what might actually happen and what potential solutions might be.”
- If possible, visit the country you’re relocating to before you move. If that’s not practical, then you could watch movies set there together or spend time searching locations on Google Maps to help build a feeling of familiarity.
- Help your child visualise what life will be like in your new home: where you’ll be, what school might be like, what their room might look like.
Supporting your child after the move
- Find ways to help your child stay connected with friends and family back home. Technology can be great for this. Our expat parent shares: “My son ended up having an Xbox a lot younger than I would normally have given one to him, because he could then play and chat with his friends better than he might have over the phone.”
- Find familiar hobbies and activities in the new country. Whether your child is into dance, art or sport, create a feeling of continuity with the things they enjoy in your new home.
- Be sure to schedule some relaxation time and avoid overloading your child with too many new things.
- Where possible, arrange meet ups with other families who have relocated so you can share experiences and make a few connections early on in your stay.
- Contact new schools or nurseries ahead of time so you’re in the loop and don’t miss out on important information that might help smooth your child’s transition when you move.
- Look for help where it’s available, whether it’s from grandparents, trusted friends or professionals. Our expat parent explained that “Sometimes, you just need someone outside the family to sit down and give advice.”
After moving to a new country, it’s important to find the right balance between supporting your children and letting them settle in at their own pace.
The expat parent we spoke to says that “Parents may need to guide their kids to the right playgrounds, clubs and crowds until they find their people and make new friends. But don't engineer friendships, let your children make these naturally by being in the right environment.”
Talking to your child about their wellbeing
- Check in with your child regularly to show that you want to support them. Try to validate your child’s feelings and keep opening up a space to talk about the move, long after you’ve actually arrived.
- Communicate in a way that suits your child. Would face-to-face conversation help your child open up or would they prefer to write down or text any worries they may have?
- Normalise feeling a range of different emotions. Show your child that it’s safe to share their worries and concerns and that they are understandable.
- Professional help can also be invaluable. Harriet says: “Therapy and the use of supportive tools and techniques can help children understand what their emotions mean to them and how fear, for example, is a normal reaction to a situation like moving abroad.”
Keeping these practical tips in mind will help you support your child’s wellbeing and make moving to a new country as smooth as possible.
The best first step is often to pause, slow down and make time to talk openly as a family about any worries and uncertainties you may have, as well as what everyone is excited for about the move.
It can be very useful for your children to know what you’re feeling (in an age-appropriate way) and it is always important to know what is going on for them.
Your Wellbeing has a lot of resources around children’s mental health, including this article on the importance of play for your family’s mental health.
